Friday, 12 December 2008

The Marriage Course 7

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The Marriage Course 3
The Marriage Course 2
The Marriage Course 1

We attended the final marriage course session last night and I shall endeavour to post about sessions 4, 5 and 6 as soon as I can.

I am pleased that the course is over as I have found the constant analysing of our relationship a strain. Whereas at the start of the course, I smugly thought we had a great relationship, I now realise that there are a lot of aspects to work on. That doesn't mean that we have a bad relationship, far from it, just that there is room for improvement on many levels. I suspect that many of our areas which could be improved stem from my own issues. Without wishing to descend into either a prolonged and boring passage of naval gazing nor reveal too many personal details, I know that my tendency towards blueness doesn't help me or our relationship. I also made a decision to take loans to pay for law school and ultimately to qualify as a solicitor, which finally occurs in April 2009. I wouldn't change the decisions I made but I do find the repaying of those loans exceedingly onerous and one which doesn't help my sanity and stress levels. I am not saying that all our issues are mine, or that M is perfect, which of course he isn't. I just think that some of the problems start with my own issues.

That said, last night's session was on Love Languages. Again, a topic which should be fairly obvious but clearly can pass unnoticed. Essentially, there are many ways of expressing love towards your husband or wife: words, actions, time, touch, presents. All of us have a preferred way of receiving love and generally we express our love for our husband or wife using our preferred way of receiving love. Which is not necessarily the same way or husband or wife might prefer. Sounds obvious, but when you think about it a little more closely, reveals some interesting causes of issues which could so easily be solved. So for me, say, I might know I am loved when I am hugged. So I hug M a lot, whereas perhaps actions mean more to M, so he would rather I tidied up my clothes and returned my tea cups to the kitchen. Not that he doesn't appreciate my hugs, but if I choose to express my love with actions then it makes him feel more loved. Makes sense I think.

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Ps. For those of you interested in the etsy shop (which shamefully only has one pair of earrings in at the moment as I am waiting for the delivery of some more ear wires) you can click on the round orange etsy button further down this page and have a look. If anyone is an etsy user or seller, if you favourite my shop I shall come and have a look at your shop in return!

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3 comments:

Cate Subrosa said...

Very interesting post. I read something about this a while ago that I found really helpful, but I can't remember where I saw it :( Thanks for the reminder, though, it's good to think about this stuff regularly.

Kristy said...

I read the Love Languages book and found it very interesting. When I did the survey, I was a "physical touch" person, mostly, although quality time was one point off. The other 3 were not even close to my top 2.

Looking forward to hearing more about the other sessions when you get the chance.

Desaray said...

I'm also of the "blue" variety and realize how much I ask of Lauren in dealing with it. I've read some stuff by Martin Seligan (positive psychlogy) andanyway, they say its not good for people like us to be lawyers. Something about being a professional pessimist. To bad law school is one of my little fantasies. Oh no!