Sunday, 7 December 2008

T Minus 6 Months

To be completely honest with you, I suffered a crisis of confidence this weekend. I have verged from being extremely happy to doubting everything right down to the jumper I wore for a night out. As you might have noticed from the few photos I have posted, I am pretty slim and have never had 'body' issues. I have however been suffering from image issues, feeling old and frumpy in whatever I wear, hating my hair and buying black framed glasses to hide behind.

I went to a dinner last night, with friends and friends of friends. The friends asked how the wedding planning was going and I didn't know how to answer. I didn't want to sound like a boring bridezilla and waffle on and on about napkins and so on, so I responded that we had planned the outline but were in the process of filling in the details. Which sounded even more boring to my ears than it must have been to hers. She changed the subject and I felt even more boring than I did before.

We spent some time going through the budgets for the wedding. My parents are putting in some money and M's parents have given us some money and M and I are putting in the rest. After having problems finding a suitable venue cheaply which would let us do our own wine and catering and allow us exclusive use of the premises for the weekend, we have ended up spending a third of our budget on the venue. This means every other decision is having to be made so carefully and it is starting to get exhausting. Perhaps this is just six-month-to-the-day worries.

I hope next week is better. And even if it isn't, I will try and stop moaning on!

4 comments:

pierre l said...

Hello Rachel. I am sorry to read about the doubts, and hope things will improve soon. As for the moaning post, I would rather have an update (even an unhappy one) than not know how you are.
Many best wishes and virtual hugs.

London bride said...

Oh my yes, these words echo thoughts I have had so often. Thank-you for publishing them. It's so difficult to gage others' interest, whether it is polite or genuine, even within my own family I don't know how much to say. I think also the image questions come, for me, from knowing you are going to be centre of attention and that everyone says it has to be the most beautiful day of your life. Eeek! Big pressure. I'm still trying to motivate myself to go to the gym, and with xmas coming I'm actually just praying the dress will do up. It'll get better soon :)

Paisley said...

Ugh I know exactly how you feel! My hair is flat, all my old clothes boring, and I'm in need of a makeover. I promised myself that I would not have anything to talk about but wedding stuff while engaged. I think people ask how it's going just as a courtesy really. Which is why we blog about it instead, there's someone out there who wants to hear allll about it!

Rachel said...

Thanks, your words mean a lot. What did we do before we had blogs?!