On feeling gloomy

After a week of glorious sunshine, the weather broke today. It is cloudy and gloomy and chilly and raining. And matches my rather despondent mood entirely. I went to three interviews. I didn't get any of the jobs. Nothing I could have done better, they all were positive in their feedback but simply went with someone with more experience {who was prepared to take a lower salary}. That's the way of the market at the moment.

We're just 8 days out from the wedding and it goes without saying that I am looking forward to it. But the thought of returning to London, happily married but still jobless fills me with dread.

{Image by me}

This is what Cornwall looks like in the gloom of early summer. The light still reflects off the water, the water just looks a different colour. When the sky looks like someone has washed their paintbrush in inky water and swooshed it across the clouds, the water looks all at once flat and deep and moody. Even when it clearly isn't. If even in the poorest of lights there is still beauty in the landscape, I can find hope in what seems like a bleak situation. My reflection might not look as clear as it would in the height of a clear summers day, but it is still there. The light that shines might be slightly distorted, but shine it does.

Hen Party V

{Images by hen party guests}

After the afternoon tea we played party games:
a bride's quiz with prizes
20s style crosswords and quiz
a picture round {famous wives}
names on backs {famous couples}
design the best dress out of recycled newspaper
and a bride-wars style fight afterwards
lots of drinking games {with dancing}
and then supper

all in all, the best hen weekend I could ever have hoped for.

and now, a week to go until we leave for the wedding...

Hen Party IV

{Images by hen party guests; food, crockery and decorations by Iced}

And after the sun bathing came afternoon tea, 1920s style. We sat by the swimming pool in the late afternoon sunshine and ate a beautiful high tea, courtesy of Hannah at Iced.

Each cake stand was laden with sandwiches {cucumber, beef or turkey}, fruit and plain scones, teisin lap, vanilla cupcakes decorated with blue flowers, pimms jellies, lemon tarts and fruit tarts, chocolate covered strawberries, mini frasier cakes piped in royal icing with 'R's' for Rachel, sandwiched mini meringues and ginger lime tarts, all served on mismatched vintage 1920/30s crockery and accompanied with pots of delicious tea.

All the girls made a huge effort with their outfits which I would have loved to show you, but in the interest of friendship, unless they expressly allow me, I shall keep those photos to myself.

Hannah provided 1920s music which we danced the Charleston to as we drank champagne by the pool before hand and which continued to play through out the tea party. It was wonderful and the food was so delicious I lugged the leftovers all the way back to London to share with M the next evening!

And then came the games...

Hen Party III

{Images by A2 and another hen party guest}

The bridesmaids dressed me in a neon pink veil,
My finger and toe nails were painted to match.
I was given a {handmade} garter
which was then removed from me before I was thrown in the pool...
We lay around in our bikinis all afternoon
and then changed into our 20s style outfits for the tea party.

Hen Party II

{Image by A2}

...guess which one is me?

Hen Party

Dancing in the waves wearing a neon veil

{Image by A2}

My Hen Party in numbers...

1 hen
Two sisters
3 bridesmaids
16 guests
2 days of hot sunshine
2 afternoons of pool side lounging
8 cake stands with 3 layers of cakes
5 recycled newspaper wedding dresses
endless drinking and laughing and reminiscing

On 'Bridezilla'

{Image by Max Wanger via 100 Layer Cake}

I love this photo; so still, so beautiful. A moment of calm in an otherwise busy day. Reminds me somehow of this image:

{Image of Campbell and his Bluebird at Daytona Beach, artist/source unknown}

The pose of the man reminds me of another painting or photo which is at the back of my mind but I somehow just cannot place it. Perhaps it was from one of our engagement cards.

This time in two weeks we shall leave for the wedding. This morning I logged onto to Twitter and Meg had written this:

"Here is the thing... it's not Bridezilla to cry and yell once or twice, it's human. F* the pressure to be a perfect idie bride. Eff it."

And, I totally agree. So many people have asked me if I've turned into Bridezilla yet. Reassured me that it's ok to turn that way because it's my day. Those are the comments most likely to make me behave that way, if I'm perfectly honest. I'm human. Sometimes things seem insurmountable, other times they don't. Things get done, compromises made, we feel our way along this path. It doesn't make me Bridezilla if occasionally I fall off the path and there is a moment or two of shouting or scrambling to get back onto it.

Wedding planning for me has been broken down into two parts. There is the event planning itself which is hard, wedding or not. People event plan as a full time job. It is a multi-sited event for 100 people over an entire day. There is lots to do. I should think that sometimes, just sometimes, event planners shout a little because something has gone wrong. Or they get upset. But this doesn't mean people call them Bridezilla. Because they're not. They are event planners. Which is how I have been looking at the day.

And then there is the wedding itself, the meaningful part, the why to the how. And that I have dealt with privately, with a little help from this blog and it's readers. Which is not stressful like event planning, but which is going to change our lives. The party is just the bonus.

And, just for the record, it's not my day. It's our day. And that's the way I intend to keep it.