Thursday, 9 July 2009

On being married

"Talk to brides, as I did while researching Wedding Babylon, a look behind the scenes of the happiest day of your life, and the symptoms are obvious. They all spoke of feeling flat after the wedding, of being in tears on the honeymoon and the dreadful empty feeling of anti-climax.” Compound this with the fact that the average couple spends between £20,000 and £24,000 (the equivalent of the annual national wage) on the wedding and that 20 per cent of couples start married life in debt, it is no wonder that new brides are so miserable" writes .

I wouldn't say that I am miserable. Frustrated perhaps, at not having a job. Irritated that, technically, I suppose I am now a housewife, which is very much not where I saw myself when I said 'yes' last June. But not miserable. I didn't think I would mind being paid for. I was wrong. Not bringing in any money makes me feel I have to do all the housework and keep the place clean and tidy, rather than simply my share as I did before. Despite the fact that I am spending my time applying for jobs, attending interviews, doing unpaid work etc, so I don't actually have that much more 'free' time, it somehow seems that as I am not earning, I should be doing more of the other things.

So yes, if I am being brutally honest, coming back to London after the honeymoon felt a little flat. {although, thank goodness for Wimbledon and hot weather: I had plenty of distraction during the first week}. I do feel that the support is better between us, even when we are jostling for position within our new relationship; that we really are a family unit.

leaving the reception 1

Leaving the wedding, just before I threw the bouquet {of which Alex caught such an amazing photo I will devote a post to it later in the recaps}

leaving the reception 2

Saying goodbye to the DJ and the band {inc. BestMan}, carrying a plate of cheese from the 'cake' which one of the bridesmaids had thoughtfully put aside for us, thinking correctly that (a) we wouldn't have eaten any earlier on and that (b) we would be starving when we got to our hotel.

leaving the reception 3

Leaving the reception...

the next morning

...and returning again the next morning to help with the final clearing up. Yes, we are still in the same clothes...

{All photos by Alex, my sister's boyfriend}


Rosalie said...

I think I'll feel a little flat after the honeymoon but I feel flat after any holiday, it's that back to reality thing which is what you're getting, especially with the job hunting, it's such a frustrating thing and the way you feel obligated to do all the housewife things, I've been in that situation. Can't imagine being in tears actually on the honeymoon, that she writes about, that's the brides who felt the wedding was their life I guess. Best of luck with the job hunt.

Rachel said...

@Rosalie: I think you're right; I feel a little flat after any good holiday.

{just to clarify, I feel obligated about that housework: M doesn't make me feel obligated. Don't want him to think I've misrepresented him}

Marie said...

I love that first picture of you leaving the wedding, you look so beautiful. And yes I felt flat, and went a little loopy for a couple of days, just bitchy really. But then I felt elated at not having the planning hanging over me. And good luck in your job hunt! x

anna and the ring said...

I guess it's to be expected, going from a frenzy of planning to the mundane of housework must be a shock to anyone's system. I think you have the right attitude making sure you have lots to do.

The job market is rubbish at the moment, yes, but there is hope. You just have to keep plugging away. You will find the job that is right for you.

I love that photo of you with your bouquet.

Kristy said...

I think Rosalie makes a good point about feeling flat after any holiday. I always have a hard time getting back into the swing of things after a nice vacation. And the job hunt probably compounded that for you. Hang in there!

I would like to point out that you look adorable in that little white dress with your veil on. That 2nd picture looks very retro (probably enhanced by the poladroid) - awesome. And yay for thoughtful bridesmaids who save you cheese.

Marie-Ève said...

I just LOVE your going away outfit! You guys are oozing style.

I really understand the feeling of not being paid and how it can warp the dynamics of a relationship somewhat (even if only in one's head).

It's funny, I didn't really feel that way. I know I'm kind of abnormal, but I never thought that this was going to be the greatest day of my life... [I guess because I'm a mom so that spot had already been taken].

That being said I'm like that too, feeling flat after a holiday... But just this specific time I was actually looking forward to coming back to real life (and my son especially), with tons of other real-life projects going on...

You're having a bit of a rough time with the job hunting, so take all the time you need to bounce back...!

Modelmental said...

Lo-o-o-o-o-ve these pics! Especially the first one, gorgeous you!
Definitely experienced the flat feeling and some inertia but I agree with the commenters, I think it's classic post-holiday blues. Also, one amazing party including ALL your loved ones around you... Who wouldn't miss that?
I haven't really earned money since the wedding so I'm embracing housewifeliness, and finally getting to like it. It's not for everyone though!