Monday, 20 June 2011

The Fear

All weekend, whilst on the surface I have been doing nice. things. inside, I have had The Fear. Also, The Anxiety. The Fear and The Anxiety are both fuckwits, playing off each other, determined to spoil my nice weekend, the second in a row on my own with my husband.

Nice. Things. included browsing the church fete in the rain and leaving with 2 vintage necklaces for £1 each and a box of vintage christmas decorations for £2. "We didn't think these would sell" said the tiny white haired old lady on the white elephant stall. "We didn't think anyone would buy christmas decorations in June", looking at me as if I was clearly nuts. "You won't get ones like this anywhere". [I chose not to mention that Shikasuki sell them]. M bought a maglite for another £2. He's convinced they didn't mean to sell it to him.

Nice. Things. also included a blustery walk for a mile or two along the beach (towards the man that lives in a Lime Kiln, although we didn't get as far as his part of the beach because the tide was coming in). Sometimes it easier to talk whilst walking. Especially on a beach where you have to concentrate very hard on not falling over because it is so pebbled. Talking helped for a bit. But still The Anxiety and The Fear persisted. Not even cream tea helped. Maybe I've eaten too many of them.

On Sunday we had a drink at a peaceful hunting lodge in the middle of nowhere. We ate one of my favourite suppers (breakfast with mimosas). We watched the build up to Wimbledon. We had a fire. It might be June but I am still wearing thick tights and cardigans and a fire is essential for Sunday night snuggling with Husband. We watched The Painted Veil. And sat there afterwards, whilst I cried. Turns out watching people die of Cholera does not help The Anxiety or The Fear one little bit. When I went to bed, I wiped black off my face which went right along my cheek bones, like I had applied black eyeshadow where I had really meant to use blusher.

But there are good things: Wimbledon. M's birthday. Summer solstice. The golden light against the dark moody sky in breaks between rain showers. Coffee with friends. And next week, a whole bunch of my favourite people.

as usual, iphone photos of Nice. Things. by me


agirl said...

Hugs to you, sugar. I hope these clouds pass very soon, leaving only sunshine in their wake.

cara said...

(((Rachel))) I'm sorry sweetpea. May The Fear and The Anxiety fuck right off.

I love (in no particular order) your glasses, your jumpsuit, your cat. Oh, and your new header.

Lauren said...

I am very prone to these kinds of feelings too. My hippy doctor made me start taking vitamin D, and fish oil. I'm not 100% cured, but a-whole-lot better. I do not mean to be the jerk who offers advice rather than sympathy or empathy however. The Fear and The Anxiety are evil monsters and may they be vanquished forever! Bastards. xx I also love your glasses but I think I mentioned that already.

Peacock Feathers and Diamond Rings said...

Thank you loves.

I am trying to force them to fuck right off :)

I am also very pleased with my new glasses. Thank you for your compliments.

I am taking omega 3. But I think I need some vit D, pref in the form of some proper sunshine... x

Cate Subrosa said...


Blog looks great. How did you get the photos in that nice grid thingy?

Bella said...

grotpants to The Fear and The Anxiety for bothering you. Hope all the focus on Nice. Things. is helping a bit (and they are very nice things!)
And love the new blog/eyewear look!