My Boy Writes: The Stag-Do

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"In the UK we indulge the rather quaint tradition of Hen and Stag-Dos. I believe in the US they are called Bachelor and Bachelorette parties. Conventional activities for Stags include excessive drinking, strip clubs and womanising of all kinds. The idea exists that this is the Stag’s last chance to mess around, his last gasp of freedom. It is also conventional for the groom to be subject to pranks, being tied to a lamppost or occasionally even dumped in a foreign land. The Best Man orchestrates the carnage and a friendly one will ensure that the groom makes it to the church on time. Traditionally, the Stag-Do would take place on the night before the wedding but unsurprisingly there is a certain reluctance to stick to this hard-core principal these days. A concession to the bride and mothers I suppose.

I think that it’s right to indulge the traditional rights of passage for young men but the reality is that I wouldn’t enjoy this sort of Stag-Do and neither would many of my friends. We have arranged a more sedate affair, a weekend in the countryside with fine wine, food and the great outdoors. I have images of cooking animals we have hunted ourselves and reminiscing over whisky into the early hours.

For me the most important aspect of a Stag-Do is the people. It is a chance to gather my best male friends together for a spot of good old-fashioned bonding. Thankfully, this doesn’t need to mean crude jokes and a boarding school mentality. Rather, a chance to bring my disparate groups of friends together with, in this case, mine and Rachel’s Dads. This is a chance for them all to get to know each other properly without the distractions of normal life. I have several fairly distinct bands of friends with which I have separate histories and shared experiences. I want to bring them all together for what will hopefully be a fabulous experience we will all share and which will galvanise this group of people. Plenty of them have had their differences in the past and I hope this will heal rifts and give everyone a clean slate. Of course, it might just be a very combustible weekend.

One thing that has crossed my mind a number of times is that generally the stag is kept in the dark about his do and is really at the mercy of his Best Man. I am surprised at having been kept so firmly in the loop. Is this all a subterfuge? Are we really going to embrace the cliché and blow up animals with bazookas in Eastern Europe? Will I be abandoned, tripping on snake’s blood in Indonesia? Will I find myself tied to a lamppost in Birmingham being taunted by tramps? Will I need every one of the six weeks afterward to make it back to Blighty in time for my wedding? Has anyone seen the film Very Bad Things?

Maybe I should get some holiday insurance."